A proper dissection of the human heart and mind. The heart because of what the mind wants and the mind because of what the mind will do to satisfy its heart.
For a while now, i’ve found myself doing that i know i shouldn’t be doing. Looking for love in all the wrong places as they say. And this because i don’t want to go where true joy, love and peace lies. I feel like Hosea, running away from her one, True lover, ever pursuing her but she ever runs away to everything that she knew before she knew him as everything she should ever want.
The problem is not so much as lack of true joy that i run to false fillers as if i am comfortable in the false fillers (yet ever thirsty, dry, empty) that i don’t want to go anywhere else. According to C.H. Spurgeon, its like a pig lying in a pig-stye. The pig’s surroundings are disgusting to a human, but to a pig, it’s home. I find myself like the prodigal son, knowing that returning home will offer me everything i ever and could ever want, but because of pride and fear, i rather wallow in “my” mud.
The difference i face in my mind is a need for my father to come find me and take me out of the mud and then for him to change me from a pig to a human so that i will not love the mud anymore.
This is not merely a metaphysical question, but one of literal and eternal life and death. It is not merely a taking out of the immediate surroundings that entice the senses to return to the deathly elements that once enslaved, but it is a removal of the desires for those deadly elements all together. When the desire is strong enough, no distance, obstacle or length of time can stop one from reaching a goal whether good or bad, which is why the goal in itself must change in order to change the pursuit of that individual all that he/she does with its life.
Life, not existence. Not breathing to die. Not waiting on the end.
Life, giving of one’s breath to others so they can do the same for others while enjoying the every breaths they take while doing this. Not mere vile enjoyment, but life producing enjoyment.
I long for the fulfillment of Beautiful Eulogy’s chorus of, “You Can Save Me” courtesy of C.S. Lewis’ fiction The Voyage of the Dawn Treader:
My dragon skin was torn off
how my blood is thickening up
And i am longing! to be free…
…Only you can save me.
A better exposition of one’s need for this transformation can be found from Lewis’ writing can be found here.
Best lyrical description i’ve found yet for the hopelessness of this world and the only Solution to the Problem. Speed rap may be (hehe) too fast for most but the lyrics are in the description of the video.